“What do you love? What do you live by?”
These questions were thrown at Binx by his aunt Emily. Until this moment, I saw someone like Binx who was going against the norm and a preset life for him. He was ambitious, and he was taking his time. He was a rebel and he knew himself. He knew that this life his aunt was expecting of him was not for him. I admire rebelliousness. But I find myself questioning this thought today – If he truly knew himself – what was stopping him from answering these questions? Nothing. Or maybe the uncertainties were just a part of the process.
“..the specific character of despair is precisely this: it is unaware of being despair.” – Soren Kierkegaard
I would say Binx’s complicated character is what makes it interesting. And Kierkegaard gives it a context. Perhaps Binx’s search for an answer was his version of drowning in an ocean of despair. He was in despair because to him, he was just confronting societal norms and was unwilling to accept the limitations of life that were presented to him. It could have been his way of denying that life was just that bland. Perhaps, he was subconsciously aware that what he sought was not something he could achieve. But he was unaware of being in this despair until he was faced with this question of “what do you live by?”
Binx did not know the answer. But perhaps he accepted the unruliness life is, and the cruelty of life’s blandness. Perhaps, he was finally aware of being despair.